Being authentic

There was a place in time when things I painted were very dark, thoughtful, provocative even. Subject matter for art is fluid, though there are recurring themes. When I picked up my paintbrush in 2012, I was riding a roller coaster of emotions. Some parts of my life were falling apart, some of the new things entering my life brought great joy. Sometime during that period, I chose to focus on the joy, Because I know that darkness could destroy me. Now, in 2025, my inner self is often screaming, fearful, destitute… And one day I thought, why am I painting joyful pictures? Am I a fraud? I feel like the world is falling apart. This should be my “blue period”… Why am I doing what I’m doing? I gave this a lot of thought. And as I thought about it, I scrolled through some social media, I turned on the news, I drove down the street where small businesses have closed, where people are standing in line for a meal at the church. And I understood. During my time teaching, kids handed me rainbows and Unicorns, All the time. How many times did I learn that one of those children experiencing trauma at home? How many times did I learn that one of those children was being bullied? Why were they handing me rainbows and drawings with the sun up in the corner? The reason is hope. Hope that things will get better. Children don’t speak in terms of “manifesting my destiny“, but they are the creators of that very phenomenon. They laugh, they play, and they send all their positivity out into the world. Realizing this, I knew that this was What I wanted to send out into this world. I have been honored to spend my life working with children and they had quite simply, rubbed off on me. And that feels authentic. I want to always remember, the energy I put out in the universe lands somewhere. Painting my dark feelings or my worries seems self-indulgent right now. Creating positive energy makes sense.